Yesterday, I provided some tips to help expectant mothers stay sane (if possible) and fashionable (not really possible, but it’s all relative). While women do almost all of the hard work, pregnancy isn’t necessarily a bed of roses for men either. So with that, here are 10 tips for expectant fathers from Ken.
Tips for Expectant Fathers, written by Ken
1. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, don’t say no. She will tell you you are lying.
2. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, don’t say yes. (Hopefully, this is obvious.)
3. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, don’t clam up and say nothing. She will tell you you are being uncommunicative.
4. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, either fake sharp chest pains, or start shedding spontaneous tears of joy. (May not work more than once).
5. Pregnancy related hormones are very real, as are pregnant wives’ denials of the existence of pregnancy related hormones. Translation: pointing out that your wife may be feeling the effects of pregnancy-related hormones is a lose-lose battle. (See 1-4).
6. Heard of “push presents” and “babymoons”? You aren’t alone. I hadn’t either. But it doesn’t matter. Pregnant women talk about them and expect them. And playing dumb won’t get you out of them.
7. Yes, your wife is uncomfortable. And yes, it is your fault.
8. Do not plan to move a month before your wife is due… If I had to make a recipe for divorce, it would include two-parts third trimester pregnancy, one-part feeling displaced, with 3 heaping teaspoons of moving boxes and reorganizing your life, and a pinch of debating over redecorating tastes and budgets. (Yes, we moved a week before Cruz was born. And yes, it was all my fault.)
9. Buy flowers. Trust me: I think flowers are stupid. I don’t get it. You buy them, and then they die. But during a time when it is very hard to do anything “right”, buying flowers is about as safe as it gets.
10. Every time you bite your lip or think about how challenging your wife’s pregnancy can be, take a deep breath, and appreciate the fact that you don’t have to push a baby out of your body. When you see what she has to go through in the delivery room, it will all make sense!
KCN, a.k.a, The Josie Girl’s hubby